Loppin' off heads in MLS

OK, who had "Curt Onalfo" in the MLS coaches death pool?

One of the notes on my daybook said "create list of MLS managers most likely to get the ax."  It was right there beneath "learn Kung Fu" and "dig out pig suit for friend's weekend's Bacon Party."  That's going to rock.

Seriously, the coaching list thing was something I wanted to do for the blog today. I saw Bruce McGuire's list on his exceptional Du Nord site and made a note to swipe that idea from him. But I'll 'fess up right away, the Kansas City Wizards' manager would not have been at the top of that sad little anti-ranking.

But sure enough, the guillotine dropped on Onalfo late last night.  Apparently, losing 6-0 to one of the worst clubs in MLS (FC Dallas) was more than Kansas City ownership could stomach.

I always appreciated Onalfo's approach. Essentially, he wanted to attack, attack some more, and then attack a little more. But it just wasn't working, as the opportunities near goal had someone slowed to a trickle, despite all the encouragement to get forward.  And his propensity to move players around is always a red flag in my book. That is, one day Davy Arnaud would play as a forward. Next time out, he was a right midfielder. Next time a left or central midfielder. Same with Claudio Lopez and others.

So now in the heartland, we have the odd scenario of a technical director (Peter Vermes) lacing up the coaching boots and running practices while simultaneously, I presume, making calls and putting out feelers in preparation of hiring … his replacement as coach.

A little awkward, I guess, but nothing they can't get past.

Meanwhile, I've still got that list to write -- minus Onalfo, of course.

So, here is the, uh, "updated" ranking (with most likely to show up at the unemployment line listed first):

1. New York's Juan Carlos Osorio

2. San Jose's Frank Yallop

3. Real Salt Lake's Jason Kreis

4. Dallas' Schellas Hyndman

5. D.C. United's Tom Soehn

Osorio. Well, that one needs no explanation. That team stinks like sewer water, and last year's appearance in the MLS final was clear aberration.  'Nuff said.

I respect Yallop a lot. He's a good manager and a real gentleman. But let's face it, he might have been permanently damaged by getting dragged behind the Galaxy bus for a couple of seasons. Plus, expansion sides always promise to build with patience -- just like I used to promise mom to clean my room.  It never happens.  So, yeah, Yallop needs some Ws.  Fast.

Kreis and Real Salt Lake GM Garth Lagerwey go way back.  But it's getting' hot in the Utah kitchen, and Lagerwey will do what he must.  RSL can't win on the road, and if the Lakers don't make the playoffs -- it's looking dicey -- Kreis may not survive to see the 16-team MLS next year.

Some people might be surprised as to why Hyndman isn't a little higher on the list. Two reasons: First, I do not want any trouble with the guy. I've known him for a long time, and the stories are true. The man is a badass and could snap me like a Girl Scout cookie.

Hyndman signed a long-term deal last year. I've never quite nailed it down, but I believe it was a five-year or a seven-year agreement. All of it may not be guaranteed as manager; he probably has a certain number of years guaranteed as manager -- three perhaps, although I don't really know -- then more years guaranteed in some FC Dallas capacity, be it technical director or manager of youth programs or something. All that, parlayed with his close relationship with Dan and Clark Hunt, will give Hyndman extra cushioning.

Soehn? He's doing OK.  But he was doing OK about this time last year, too, before the nearly-annual United late-season collapse.  United still has issues in defense, and the gang from RFK only needs only a little more slippage to miss the playoffs once again.  If that happens, Soehn will suffer Onalfo's fate.