Truth revealed about today's MLS Draft

Also file under: How Hugh Laurie understands soccer better than you think

Before you tear yourself away from that little embezzlement scheme that you’re cooking up at work, turning your sneaky internet gaze over to the MLS draft going on this afternoon, here’s something to remember about the whole shebang:

At the end of the day, every official from every team will stand before the God, country, blogger and mainstream media scribe and declare, unflinchingly and unequivocally, that they got "exactly who they wanted."

In other words, they had a list of players, ranked and sorted just so, and they were able to go pluck the very names they wanted. They describe a haul that would make Johan Cruyff  himself put down that cigarette and weep with uncontrollable joy. They’ll paint it as the Philadelphia Job, an absolute broad-daylight robbery, where they picked the pocket of every other MLS suit in the room.

Consider for an instant the absurdity, the mathematic impossibility, of such self-congratulatory claims. Yes, different clubs have different needs. So, one club may certainly be desirous of a sure-handed goalkeeper while another needs sprinter speed on the outside while yet another most needs depth at striker. I get that. Still, there are only so many needs out there. At some point, teams need the same things.  It’s just soccer, after all.  Teams need skillful players who understand the game and have enough speed, stamina and smarts to manage the enterprise. That’s about it. 

So, suffice to say, plenty of teams are chasing the same talent, hoping against hope that the very same passers and trappers fall their way.

Anybody remember the brilliant acceptance speech by Hugh "House" Laurie a couple of years ago at the Golden Globes? The one where he challenged the implausible math of everyone else giving those overly dramatic speeches? "I know everyone says they have a wonderful crew, and logically that can’t be the case. They can’t all be wonderful. Somebody somewhere is working with a crew of drunken thieves."

Well, same with the MLS draft. Not everyone will get their man and their men. It’s just not logical.  I know that coaches, GMs and technical directors can’t say so publicly, but do know this: It simply can’t be the case. Somebody today will land an absolute dog – and they probably suspect as much as they leave the convention center.

I guess in fairness I should point out one MLS manager who is a little more honest about the entire process. It’s yet another reason I have a lot of respect for New England Revolution manager Steve Nicol. He told me at the draft two years ago in Baltimore that "We’re all just guessing, anyway. … And anybody who says otherwise is lying."