Quick tales of advertising, TV audiences and Champions League greatness

I’m driving around yesterday and hear a radio spot that begins with words along these lines: “The biggest soccer event in the world …”

So I’m thinking, “Yep. Champions League final tomorrow!” How nice that Fox is spending some green to advertise the final. Very nice! Never mind that this radio station won’t mention it, ignorantly convinced that more people in Dallas care about the Game 7 of an NHL conference final; at least they have an advertising spot.

But, uh, say what?

It’s not a spot on the Champions League! It’s a damn spot on the Herbalife World Football Series!  Yeah, that one.  I felt like the kid from Christmas Story when he discovered the top secret coded message was just a damn commercial for Ovaltine: disillusioned, disappointed in the world and hacked off at The Man.

So my question is this: why do the people who at high-dollar advertising firms, who may wear $20 socks but who might not know a soccer ball from a ball of ear wax, assume that we soccer fans are all ninnies? (Also insulting in the spot: the guy without a Spanish accent does the over-pronunciation thing on the Latin names. "Lionel Messi! Andrés Iniesta!" Seriously, guys. When they do SNL sketches to make fun of crap like this, you should take a hint and knock it off.) 

Oh, I don’t suppose most people who might watch Barcelona and Chivas later this summer (that’s the match in Herbalife series being played here) really care about the hucksterism aspect, nor about the ridiculously false advertising. They just hope Messi will play!  Or, they are excited to see Chivas, one of Mexico’s most popular sides, one with fans aplenty here in Texas.

But that’s not the point. The point is, this advertisement falls one day before what truly might be the biggest soccer event in the world. For this year, anyway. No disrespect to the Women’s World Cup that begins soon in Germany. And I’ll certainly raise a glass to the Copa Libertadores, South American’s brother in continental crowns. But Champions League – brother, that’s where it’s at.

(Read on for more advertising lies from The Man ...)

Ironically, the match that this misguided advertising spot ignores is being shown on Fox. This is the network that likes to bill the Super Bowl as the world’s most-watched sporting event. Which, of course, is a lie. It’s not a misstatement. It’s not a stretch. It’s a self-serving lie.

In 2010, the Super Bowl drew an estimated worldwide audience of about 121 million. A few months later, the 2010 World Cup final drew an estimated 700 million.

Now, that 700 million figure comes from FIFA. So, let’s just assume there’s some fudging. After all, you can’t spell “fudging” without the “F” from FIFA, as we all know.   Still, there’s a lot of room for fudging and the World Cup numbers would still obliterate the Super Bowl’s.

Lately, the Champions League final has been whuppin’ the Super Bowl in worldwide audience, mostly based on the large numbers UEFA’s final draws out of Asia.

By the way, this isn’t meant to hate on the Super Bowl. It’s a cultural American staple, and I love it as much as anyone else. I even stayed up WAY late two years ago to watch it in a cheesy Liverpool hotel bar along with soccer pals.  It just happened to coincide with our annual England soccer trip.  (We also watched with two slightly snaggle-toothed young bartenders, who were very sweet and increasingly cute as the long night wound on – imagine that. Thing is, none of us could understand a darn thing they said. But all that is another story.)

The point is, I don’t dislike the Super Bowl. I just hate it when The Man lies.

Today. Barca- Man United. It’ll be grand. It might me amazing. It will definitely be the biggest soccer event this year. And it probably will be the world’s most-watched sporting event of 2011.

Trust me. I know. I asked the two cuties in Liverpool – and I believe they told me so.